he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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