I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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