Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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