Pants 0. Shit 1.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
