I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
