I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
