I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
