fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
