When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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