I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Porn is love you can see.
Say something about gay babies.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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