those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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