The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
