You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
