3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
