And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
