the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
