It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
