i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Enjoy the penises
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
