Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
