Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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