now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
