I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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