he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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