I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
