I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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