exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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