I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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