Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Sext me about skeletons
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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