you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
