It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
