I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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