We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
