A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
