2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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