I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
