Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Randomize
