what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
