dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
