I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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