i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
