All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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