Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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