I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
