Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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