I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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