She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
