I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
