The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
