My room smells like vodka and shame
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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