.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My ATM looks so different sober.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
