we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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