Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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