You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
