Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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