At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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