You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
