Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
