All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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