So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
