you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
