So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I touched a dick in church today
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
