its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Send help, water and tortillas.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
