She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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