just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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