Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
