Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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