My cat gives me a boner
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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