apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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