You made me cry and you don't even care
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
