Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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