My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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