you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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