You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She needs sedatives and a leash
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
