"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
