you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize