Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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