I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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